Bonding With Your Newborn: Advice for Mums, Dads & All Parents
Bonding with your newborn is something that feels different for every new parent. Many feel it immediately, others it takes a few weeks, and some find it doesn’t come as naturally for various reasons. Every experience is different.
Whether you’re here because you’re worried about bonding with your baby or you’re curious about how infant attachments work, we’ve created this little handbook to teach you everything you want to know.
A Little Summary…
- Bonding looks different for every parent. It might happen instantly or take weeks or months, and that’s completely normal.
- Skin-to-skin contact, feeding, eye contact, and cuddles are simple yet powerful ways to strengthen your connection.
- Dads can build strong bonds through hands-on care, routines, and emotional support for the whole family.
- Struggling to bond? You're not alone; factors like postnatal depression or exhaustion can affect connection, but support is available.
- A secure bond boosts your baby’s emotional development and confidence, and supports your own mental well-being as a parent.
Creating a bond with your child is one of the most magical feelings in the world, but the journey to get there is different for each family.
The point is, each baby is unique in their own little way, as are you as parents, and that's okay.
So, whether your bun's still in the oven or you're in the first few weeks of parenthood, let's give you a lesson on all things bonding.
In This Guide:
The Importance of Bonding With Your Newborn
The bond with your newborn plays a huge role in their lives. It’s essential to their development and how they respond to relationships when they’re older and grown up. It could even affect them later down the road when coping with life obstacles.
A good bond with their parents will also increase their confidence and adaptability, helping them be resilient and have good social skills.
Here are the reasons bonding is important for babies broken down:
- Sense of safety and security
- Brain development
- Emotional resilience
- Better long-term outcomes regarding relationships, stress, school, and more
Bonding isn't just beneficial for your baby, though; it's also essential for you as a parent…
- It builds love and connection to help you through the tough times
- It's a confidence boost for parents, especially first-timers
- Supports mental well-being
Why You Might Find It Hard to Bond With Your Baby
There are plenty of reasons you might struggle to connect with your baby, and each one is valid and totally normal.
Various emotional, physical, and situational reasons can make bonding difficult, especially in the early weeks and months.
Two of the big ones are postnatal depression or anxiety, which can actually affect both mums and dads. This is the feeling of numbness, guilt, sadness, or disconnection, which can make bonding feel impossible to achieve.
But it does get better for the majority of parents, and there’s plenty of help out there to help you cope with your situation. Gone are the days of just labelling it as 'baby blues' and getting on with your day.
Please seek genuine medical help if you are struggling.
Here are some other reasons you might find it hard to bond with your baby:
- Birth trauma or PTSD
- Physical exhaustion or health issues
- High expectations of yourself vs reality
- Difficult baby temperament or medical needs
- Lack of support
If any of these resonate with you, remember, you’re not alone, and feeling this way doesn't mean you don't love your baby or won’t bond eventually.
Bonding can take days, weeks, or even months, and that’s okay. Just showing up, caring for your baby, and being present is already laying the foundation for a secure attachment.
14 Tips on Bonding With Your Newborn
If you want to make sure you’re doing the right things to help encourage healthy bonding with your baby, we’ve gathered our best advice for new parents.
Remember, this process looks and feels different for everyone, but these tips are regarded as helpful by many new parents, and many are recommended by professionals.
Tips for Mums
While some people think bonding with their baby is easier for mums, this isn't always the case. If you've been through surrogacy, had a C-section, or adopted, it's probably weighing on your mind.
However, some mums who give birth naturally can also struggle to bond with their baby for one reason or another.
Hormones paired with birthing trauma, exhaustion, and difficulties as a first-time parent can all be factors that hinder your bonding.
Here are some things you can do to help with mother and infant bonding struggles:
- Skin-to-skin contact: Hold your baby against your bare chest shortly after birth and during daily cuddles. This helps regulate the baby's temperature and heartbeat, and promotes oxytocin (the bonding hormone).
- Breastfeeding (if possible): This provides natural opportunities for closeness and eye contact with your little one. If you're not breastfeeding, that's okay, too. Remember, fed is best. Bottle-feeding can still be a bonding moment with touch and eye contact.
- Respond to baby cues: Learn and respond to your baby's cries and signals, and over time, the consistency will form an undeniable bond and trust.
- Talk, sing & make eye contact: Newborns are drawn to voices and faces. Talking or singing softly helps them recognise and connect with you. Remember, you don't always have to speak to them in a baby voice. You might think you look crazy, but having normal conversations with your baby as you would with a friend or older family member can be great for bonding and later development.
- Routine touching & cuddling: Rocking, holding, baby massage, and gentle stroking during nappy changes or after baths can help reinforce bonding.
Tips for Dads
Traditionally (yet very outdated), dads have a different role in childcare than mums, which has contributed to struggles with bonding.
Dad and newborn bonding struggles are common. Between work commitments due to a minimal amount of paternity leave, sleep deprivation, and feelings of insecurity, we can understand why.
Remember, this is extremely common and nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to learn some ways to bring on bonding, here's what we recommend:
- Get involved early on: Don't leave it all to mum. You're both new to this, and neither of you will be an expert yet. Hold, change, bathe, burp, and comfort the baby. Hands-on involvement creates familiarity and emotional closeness.
- Skin-to-skin contact: This is just as beneficial for dads as mums. Of course, you don't have the option to breastfeed, but shirtless cuddles with your newborn on your chest help build a strong bond.
- Create a daily routine just for you and baby: Whether it’s reading a book at bedtime, playtime, or a daily walk in the pram, regular moments like this build a sense of security for the baby and purpose for the father.
- Talk & make eye contact: Babies recognise voices early. Talking, humming, and smiling at your baby helps them associate your presence with comfort and love. Don't be afraid to really get into it. You don't look weird; you look like a great dad!
- Support your partner: Being emotionally and practically supportive can help you both bond as a family unit. A calm, secure environment strengthens everyone’s connection.
Tips for Parents
Finally, we have some general tips for parents. Here are some things you can both do to boost the bond with your newborn:
- Take turns with night feeds (if bottle feeding): Both parents get meaningful bonding moments.
- Use a baby carrier: Babywearing allows bonding during simple daily tasks.
- Be patient: Bonding doesn’t always happen instantly. It’s okay if it takes time. As long as you work on it and are consistent, you can build a beautiful relationship.
- Limit distractions: Try to avoid too much screen time or multitasking when spending one-on-one time with your baby. It can help if your focus is solely on them.
How Do You Know if Your Newborn Has Bonded With You?
As you get to know your baby, they're also trying to figure out what they think about you.
Obviously, your baby can't actually tell you when they've bonded with you as their mum or dad, but they will show signs. Here are some things a baby might do when they've bonded with you:
- They smile and giggle at you
- Eye contact will be huge (it's almost like they're staring you down)
- They'll react when they hear your voice, even if you're in another room
- Your baby might start to copy your actions or facial expressions
- Cooing, gurgling, and babbling in front of you is a sign of a good bond
- You can comfort them if they're crying or distressed
Don't worry if you're not seeing these signs yet, though. Some babies just take a little longer than others to warm up, and that's okay.
What is Attachment Bonding?
Attachment bonding is often confused with just bonding, but there is actually a difference, and it mainly refers to how the baby feels about the parent, not vice versa.
Attachment bonding refers to the deep, emotional connection between a baby and its primary caregiver, usually a parent. It's not just about love or affection; it's about the baby learning who they can trust to meet their needs, keep them safe, and help them regulate their emotions.
It develops through consistent, sensitive, and responsive care, such as feeding them when they’re hungry, comforting them when they cry, and being emotionally available.
This deeper bond typically forms in the first 12 to 18 months of their life, which is why consistency is key.
Here are some different types of infant attachments:
- Secure attachment: This is formed when a caregiver is consistently responsive and nurturing. The baby will feel safe to explore and know they can return for comfort once this attachment is established.
- Insecure-avoidant attachment: This happens when a caregiver is emotionally distant or unresponsive. The baby may seem independent, but is often emotionally shut down.
- Insecure-resistant (ambivalent) attachment: This results from inconsistent caregiving – sometimes nurturing, sometimes not. The baby may become clingy or overly anxious.
- Disorganised attachment: This is often linked to trauma or neglect, and the baby may show confusing or fearful behaviour toward the caregiver.
This bond sets the emotional tone for their entire lives and grows through everyday moments of love, care, and connection. Don't strive for perfection at first; a secure and healthy attachment bond takes time and consistency.
Conclusion: Creating a Special Bond for Life
Creating a bond with your newborn is one of the most special journeys you can take.
While for some, it may take time and patience, the results will come, and it will be worth it to have that special bond with your child.
Not to mention the essential developmental reasons behind creating a bond with your baby, and how much it can improve your own mental well-being when you reach a good bond.
Be sure to approach parenting with love, care, consistency, and no expectation of perfection, and you can't go wrong.
For more help and advice on all things babies, head to our Journal, where we have tons of expert tips for new parents!
